


Cheaters Never Prosper

by SpaceVinci



Series: King's High School [1]
Category: 18th & 19th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, Historical RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-18
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-07 11:45:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5455385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceVinci/pseuds/SpaceVinci
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Alex and Thomas are pretty much Lafayette's favorite people in the world. That is, until he sees something he's sure he wasn't supposed to.</p>
<p>Or</p>
<p>In which Lafayette comes to terms with the fact that his two best friends are horrible people… and then that they're actually not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Indignant Gingers

**Author's Note:**

> Rated PG for mild language

"Lafayette!"

  
Lafayette jerks his head up with a yelp. Washington's voice rings pretty clearly across the classroom, seeing as there are almost no other sounds to muffle it; you don't talk during Washington's class. You don't sleep either, but Lafayette had attended one of Dolley Payne's parties last night – wait, sorry, it had technically been James Madison's party, but potato potahto, right? – and he was pretty damn exhausted.

  
"I trust I'm not boring you, son?" Washington asks dryly, one eyebrow raised.

  
"Not at all, dad, sorry," Lafayette returns sheepishly. There are a couple snickers around the room, but mostly the class is used to this by now. You know when you accidentally call a teacher "mom" or "dad"? Lafayette did that once. Then he didn't stop. It's unlikely Washington would tolerate it from anyone else (except, maybe, Alexander Hamilton), but it's really no secret that Lafayette is Washington's favorite student. The favoritism shows now as Washington turns back to the board, huffing slightly, but not pressing the matter.

  
Lafayette sighs in relief. It's not like he's actually missing anything important by dozing off in history class; he already learned this stuff last year in France (although this year has been significantly more America-centric). Ah well, curses of being the transfer student. At least it isn't his burden to bear alone, seeing as Thomas Jefferson had been in France last year, too, as a foreign exchange student. Thomas had quickly become one of Lafayette's best friends, second only to Alex, whom Lafayette had met during his annual visits to some family friends in Albany. Lafayette counts himself incredibly lucky to be going to school with the two of them, but he wishes they would learn to get along. They have so much in common – actually, never mind, that's the problem.

  
Lafayette dimly registers the bell ringing. He yawns. Good lord, you'd think by now he'd know better than to attend any of Dolley's parties on a school night. He slings his backpack over his shoulder and shuffles out of the room. The party hadn't technically been Dolley's. Technically it had been James's, but it took zero effort to figure out that it was Dolley's ways of helping her painfully shy boyfriend fix his social life. When Lafayette first met James, the guy's only friends had been Aaron Burr and Thomas, maybe Alex on a good day. If Aaron hadn't introduced James to Dolley, Lafayette was pretty sure it would have stayed that way forever.

  
Lafayette checks his schedule. He's got science with Franklin next, which is awesome, and then PE with Von Steuben, a.k.a. "The Baron", which is literally Hell on Earth. The only aspect of the class that isn't pure torture is Peter Stephen, the assistant coach (or eye-candy, depending on how you see it). Next comes lunch, followed by at least 45 solid minutes of Thomas and Alex bickering like children and Mr. Greene failing to teach anybody anything. Lafayette sighs. It could be worse; at least Aaron switched out of the math class last semester, so nobody has to deal with a three-way debate. Then again, on the rare occasion that Aaron and Alex argue for the same side of anything, it's freaking hilarious. Lafayette remembers the time they started arguing with some poor guy at one of Dolley's parties, and there must have been something in those cupcakes, because they quickly resorted to shining flashlights under the guy's chin to prove that he was "sinister and wrong and no Eliza, I am not drunk, I'm just proving a point."

  
Franklin has a Bunsen burner set up when Lafayette enters the classroom. He's sticking in various chemicals and mixing the colors, giggling giddily when he gets something cool. Lafayette is almost certain that this isn't chemistry class, which means that Franklin is doing this for fun. Which isn't actually surprising, honestly. Lafayette remembers the time that Franklin stuck a fork in an outlet while the class was taking a test, just to see what would happen. It's honestly a miracle the man is still alive.

  
Elizabeth Schuyler waves Lafayette over to their table. As far as lab partners go, she's probably one of the best ones Lafayette's ever had. Not only does she actually know what she's doing, which is more than Lafayette can say for himself most of the time, she's also ridiculously sweet and caring and pretty. He's relatively certain that if he didn't have a girlfriend back in France, he'd have considered asking her out.

  
"Did you fall asleep in Washington's class?" she asks him when he sits down.

  
He shrugs. "I made the incredibly enjoyable mistake of attending Dolley's party last night. I am tired, Eliza."

  
Eliza rolls her eyes. "What on Earth compelled you to do that?"

  
"I have it on good information that you and your sisters were there as well."

  
"Yes, but we left at a reasonable time. When did you get home?"

  
Lafayette shifts uncomfortably. Eliza groans.

  
"You did go home, right?"

  
"Well, sort of."

  
Eliza sighs. "What does that even mean?"

  
"My house was too far away and it was very late. I stayed at Thomas's."

  
"I'm guessing that means neither of you got any sleep."

  
Lafayette nods. "I am thinking I will pretend I am sick during PE and sleep in Ms. Pitcher's office."

  
"Do you think that'll work?"

  
"I am not coherent enough to care."

  
Lafayette glances up at the board to see that Franklin has scribbled something about physics… which makes sense, since this is physics class. He'll get Eliza's notes later. Franklin either went off on a tangent or is using a weird example, because for some reason he's sketching a diagram of a turkey on the board. A note lands in front of Lafayette.

 

Did you do the math homework?  
-Jaws Madriow

 

Well, it looks like it's signed "Jaws Madriow", but it probably says "James Madison". That kid's script is about as good as his small-talk skills. Sure enough, when Lafayette looks up, a pair of blue eyes are watching him expectantly. Lafayette scribbles back a note.

 

There was math homework?  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

 

James swallows and swipes his hair back nervously, making his widow's peak, if possible, even more obvious.

 

Yes. I need help on number 13.  
-Jaivi Meiurun

 

Either learn to write legibly or stop signing your name in script.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

 

You know this is going to be on the test, right?  
-Alexander Hamilton

 

Petit Lion, I am already in the middle of a note-conversation. Do not interrupt.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

 

Real talk: my notes are more important than anything you will receive from Javert Merlin.  
-Alexander Hamilton

 

Javert Merlin?  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

 

I think that's what he signed his last note to me.  
-Alexander Hamilton

 

Dolley, teach your boyfriend how to write in script.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

 

Not my job.  
-Dolley Payne

 

Good to see you taking notes :)  
-Benjamin Franklin

 

Wait, what?

 

Seriously, help.  
-Tiur Moiilrion

 

* * *

  
Lafayette doesn't actually manage to get much sleep in the nurse's office. James, who doesn't have to go to PE because of his asthma (Lafayette knows that he shouldn't be jealous of a breathing disability, but he honestly can't imagine that it's worse than gym class with the Baron) was apparently serious about completing his math homework, and is dead set on receiving help from Lafayette.

  
"Mon ami, you realize Monsieur Greene will not have much opportunity to check it, yes? I have it on good authority that Jefferson is very tired and in quite the mood for a debate."

  
"I'm well aware," James mutters, although there's something almost fond in his voice. "But I would still like to keep up a good impression in that class. I'm one of the few who has it. The good impression, that is, not the class."

  
"I knew that you meant." Lafayette sighs and reaches for James's notebook. "Alright, give it here."

  
It turns out that Lafayette actually had done the homework, just not at home. He had used the time during Alex's and Thomas's last pointless debate to get some work done, so he manages to explain number 13 to James without too much confusion. When they're done, he catches a quick nap, but pretty soon the lunch bell rings and Ms. Pitcher shoos them out to go eat.

  
Thomas is waiting for them in the cafeteria. James slides into the seat next to him, and Lafayette plops his stuff down on the opposite side of the table. He digs around for his lunch money as James produces a bagged lunch from somewhere in his backpack.

  
"Didn't you have gym?" James asks Thomas.

  
"Yes."

  
"So why are you here before everyone else?"

  
Thomas serenely takes a bite of his food. "I went to the bathroom."

  
"And what? Didn't come back?"

  
"Yes."

  
"Bad move, mon ami," Lafayette chuckles, "now you will have to deal with the Baron."

  
Thomas shrugs. "I'll get Peter to cover for me."

  
"Good luck with that," says a voice from behind Lafayette. "He might be a bit busy."

  
Lafayette turns around to see Alex grinning, his violet-blue eyes (seriously, who has violet-blue eyes?) shining maliciously. John Laurens is standing behind him, looking a bit green, but also like he might burst out laughing any second. Thomas narrows his eyes.

  
"What do you mean?"

  
Alex plunks down next to Lafayette and leans in conspiratorially. "You will never believe what you guys missed in PE."

  
Lafayette holds up a hand. "Wait. Before you begin the thrilling epic this is sure to be, I would like to buy my lunch, okay?"

  
Alex pouts.

  
"We'll wait until you get back," John promises, and Alex immediately goes from pouting to leering.

  
"And how are you planning to make sure I don't talk, my dear Laurens?"

  
James catcalls. Thomas makes a gagging noise and hollers, "Get a room!"

  
Lafayette laughs and heads to the lunch line.

  
By the time he returns, carrying a tray of something unidentifiable but theoretically edible, Dolley, Eliza, and Hercules Mulligan have arrived and situated themselves around the table. Alex looks like he's going to burst if he has to wait another second to tell the story. The instant Lafayette sits down, Alex begins.

  
"Okay, you know how the Baron has two different general anger settings?"

  
Hercules snorts. "Dude, he has setting that aren't anger?"

  
Alex waves the question aside and continues, explaining for the girls. "If nobody is doing anything right, he'll start cussing us out in German and-slash-or French," (Here Lafayette and Thomas both give involuntary shudders, remembering how broad the Baron's cuss-word vocabulary is.) "but if we all sort of know what we're doing and we're just being annoying he'll disappear into his office and Peter will mysteriously go missing.

  
"Well today, we were doing weight lifting, and he was in 'withdraw to office' mode, and I got a paper cut, so –"

  
"Hang on," James interjects, "how did you get a paper cut during weight lifting?"

  
"I found some paper and took a break to write something down while the Baron was in his office."

  
Eliza smiles. "Of course you did."

  
"So what happened?" Hercules urges.

  
"Weren't you there?" Thomas asks.

  
Hercules shakes head. "I was in the bathroom. Like, for real." He narrows his eyes. "Unlike some people."

  
Thomas begins to say something, but Dolley gently places a hand on his arm and he calms down. "Go on," she requests, looking expectantly at Alex.

  
"Well, anyway, I got a paper cut, so John, being the wonderful human being that he is, went to go get me a bandaid." He places a kiss on John's cheek, garnering mixed responses of "awww!" and eye-rolling (and a catcall from James, because, well, James). John beams and takes up the story.

  
"I figured that instead of walking all the way to the nurse's office, I'd go see if Von Steuben has any bandaids in his office."

  
Lafayette raises his brow. "You would willingly talk to the Baron for Alex?" He turns to Alex and points at John. "Marry him."

  
Alex grins. "Okay, but you'll never believe what he saw when he got there."

  
John snickers. "It was disgusting."

  
"And magical."

  
"Absolutely beautiful."

  
"I'm so glad I didn't have to see it."

  
"Von Steuben –"

  
"– and Peter was in the office, too –"

  
"– and they –"

  
"– I can't believe it, they were –"

  
"Spit it out!" yelps Dolley, at the same time as Eliza orders, "One at a time!"

  
" _Totally sucking face_!" Alex blurts out.

  
"Whaaaat?" Thomas drawls in disbelief.

  
John lets out a nervous laugh. "It was the weirdest and most disgusting thing I have ever seem, and Von Steuben still looked angry, which was disturbing, but it was also freaking hilarious on a strange, twisted level. I simultaneously want to remember that moment forever and go to intensive therapy until I forget it."  
Eliza gives a low whistle. "Did they see you?"

  
"God, I hope not."

  
James sniggers. "Guess the Baron doesn't have a problem keeping his heart rate up." He elbows Thomas. "Eh? Eh?"

  
"Ew!" John shrieks. "Madison, no! That was not at image I needed! And whatever you're about to say, don't."

  
James dutifully closes his mouth.

  
Hercules shakes his head slowly. "I can't believe I missed it. I mean, like, I'm really super glad I didn't see it, but I cannot believe I missed it."

  
"Do you think I can use this as black mail to get out of gym?" Thomas wonders aloud.

  
Dolley pokes him in the arm. "Tommy!"

  
Alex gasps. "We should write a book!"

  
Hercules frowns. "What and why?"

  
"A small one, more like a pamphlet or something. And it can be filled with awkward teacher stories."

  
"Alex, no," says John.

  
"No, wait," Thomas snickers, "I like this idea."

  
"Yes, but you're agreeing with Alex," notes Eliza, "which means there's, like, a 67% chance that it's an awful idea."

  
"Really?" James inquires, "I'd give it a 69% chance."

  
"James."

  
"Sorry."

  
"No, you're not."

  
"What else would we put in this book?" Lafayette asks.

  
Hercules's eyes light up. "Remember the time Mr. Adam's cousin stumbled into the classroom piss drunk and tried to rally us into a revolt against principal George?"

  
Dolley nods. "Or the time Franklin… can we have a whole chapter on Franklin?"

  
They spend the rest of lunch listing off all of the wacky teacher stories they can think of. At some point, Alex produces a pen and paper and starts taking notes, and it dawns on Lafayette that he was probably serious about writing a pamphlet. Thomas actually gets pretty into the idea, likely because it could be used as blackmail material, but hey, he's agreeing with Alex, so that's cool. Totally disconcerting, but cool.

 

* * *

  
Math starts out okay. Mr. Greene collects the homework right away, which earns Lafayette a pointed look from James. Then Greene turns to his desk and realizes that he forgot to make copies of the worksheet he was going to hand out.

  
"I just need to step out for five minutes," he informs the class. "You can talk amongst yourselves, but stay in your seats and be quiet, alright?"

  
Everybody nods. Greene gives a thumbs-up and scurries out of the room.

  
The class devolves into chaos.

  
After a minute or so of yelling, paper airplanes, and people drawing on the board, Lafayette sees James whisper something to Edmund Randolph. Ed nods and cups his hands around his mouth.

  
"Hey!" he calls. A couple people turn to see what's going on. "How about a debate?" That gets everyone's attention. A chant of " _Debate! Debate! Debate_!" works its way around the room. Alex grins and makes his way to the front of the classroom. Thomas follows, obviously trying not to smile.

  
"Did you have a topic in mind?"

  
Next to Lafayette, John Dickinson (known as "Dick", either out of affection or malice) yells back, "Homosexuality!"

  
A murmur falls over the room as people settle in to listen. Lafayette knows that it was a jab at Alex, that Dick is just being, well, a dick about Alex having a boyfriend, that he didn't actually intend to suggest it as a topic for discussion.

  
Thomas frowns. "What's there to debate?"

  
Dick obviously hadn't thought it through to this point. He shifts in his seat. "Uh… what's the deal with gay people?"

  
Thomas stares at him for a second, like he honestly can't believe what a stupid question that was. Then he takes a marker and writes 'What's the Deal with Gay People?' on the board.

  
"Alex, Kinsey Scale. Start talking."

  
Alex raises his eyebrows. "But I thought we were going to – yeah, no, okay. The Kinsey Scale!" Thomas draws a line marked from 0 to 6. "Well, for lack of a better phrase, the Kinsey Scale measures how gay you are." That gets some snickers around the class. "0 means completely straight, 6 marks completely gay. I mean, it's not entirely accurate, seeing as it doesn't account for discrepancies between sexual and romantic orientation, or more than one gender, or the ace and aro spectrums, and –"

  
"So if you're on the scale, you're gay?" Dick interrupts, sneering.

  
Alex huffs. "First of all, were you even listening? I literally just said that straight people place on the scale. Second of all, while gay can technically be used as an umbrella term, it's not the best one." Thomas writes 'LGBT' on the board. Alex nods. "Well, that's the most common one. It stands for lesbian, gay, bi, trans, for anyone who didn't know, which isn't anywhere close to all of the terms. The longest acronym I've ever heard for it was 'LGBTQIAP', but it's probably better to just add a plus sign at the end." Thomas does so. "Actually, better yet, MOGAI."

  
Thomas is about to write that, but then he turns to Alex with a confused look. "What?"

  
"Marginalized Orientations, Gender Alignments, and Intersex."

  
" _Debate. Debate. Debate_ ," Dick whispers.

  
The glint in Thomas's eye as he turns back to the board without further comment says, 'You know what? I'm going to agree with Alex, just to spite you.' He erases 'LGBT+' and replaces it with MOGAI. Lafayette is sort of unsure how to process what's going on. Are Alex and Thomas actually… agreeing? For the second time today? And working together? A girl in the back of the class (Lafayette thinks her name is Deborah, or something) raises her hand. Thomas points the marker at her.

 

"Yes?"

  
"How many different terms are there?" she asks.

  
"Too many to count," Alex admits. "There's pretty much a word for everything, to the point where there are about six words that all mean roughly the same thing. Let's see, bi, pan, poly, multi, ambi, and omni." Thomas writes them down as Alex lists them off.

  
Dick raises his hand, and Thomas reluctantly points the marker at him.

  
"What."

  
"Doesn't bi just mean you want to have a threesome?" Dick smirks.

  
Thomas and Alex both stiffen. "Polyamorous relationships are something entirely different, _dick_ ," Thomas growls. The lowercase 'd' is heavily implied.

  
Alex looks kind of shocked. And also pissed at Dick. James is smiling at Thomas like, 'Look at my friend. He's so smart. I love this guy.'

  
"Bisexuality is when you're potentially attracted to either gender."

  
"Or any gender," Alex adds.

  
"What?"

  
"It can either mean attraction to two genders or attraction to any gender. It depends who you ask."

  
Thomas points at Alex and glares at Dick. " _What he said_."

  
"And anyway," Alex continues, "polyamorous relationships aren't inherently sexual. I mean, not that there's anything wrong with threesomes. To each their own, and all. But polyamory is seriously just like any other relationship, except, you know, there are more people."

  
"Suck it, Dick!" calls James. Not that Dick can probably hear him, seeing as James is at the back of the classroom and isn't very loud. But the sentiment stands.

  
"What did he say?" someone asks.

  
"He said, 'Suck it, Dick!'" Ed yells back.

  
Mr. Greene chooses this exact moment to walk back into the classroom.

  
There's a collective drawing in of breath as he takes in the situation. Somebody coughs.

  
"Mr. Greene," Thomas squeaks, "have a seat. We're teaching a class."

 

* * *

  
Lafayette isn't exactly sure how Thomas manages to avoid detention, but it probably has something to do with Mr. Greene being so far past done with the class that it's almost impressive.

  
As Lafayette and Thomas walk to English together, Dick catches up with them.

  
"So are you gay, or something?" he taunts.

  
"No," Thomas retorts bluntly.

  
"'Cause if you were, I'd be worried you wanted to screw me or something."

  
"Trust me," Lafayette snorts, "nobody wishes to have sex with you."

  
They make it into class a second before the bell rings, with Dick lagging a step behind.

  
"You're late, Richard," Mr. Adams deadpans without looking up. "du Motier, Jefferson, please have a seat."

  
English is manageable, if boring. Well, boring for Lafayette, anyway. And Hercules. And at least half the class. Thomas seems to be enjoying himself, but that's because, as Dolley puts it, "Thomas is to Mr. Adams as Lafayette is to Mr. Washington."

  
After class, Alex is waiting outside with an enormous grin plastered onto his face.

  
"What has got you all excited, petite lion?" laughs Lafayette upon seeing him.

  
"You know Deborah Sampson, in our math class?" Alex practically squeals.

  
Thomas walks up behind Lafayette. "What about her?"

  
"Him." Alex bounces on the heels of his feet. "And he's going by Robert, now. He talked to me after class and said he wanted to thank us for talking about MOGAI. It's part of what helped him decide to come out."

  
The corner of Thomas's lip twitches. "Cool," he yawns. "Oh, man, screw homework. First thing I do when I get home is sleep. Forever."

  
Lafayette gives a twin yawn and nods. "I doubt I have ever heard a better plan."

  
"I'm going to go tell John! And Eliza!" Alex calls over his shoulder as he sprints off.

  
"So," Lafayette muses, "you and Alex?"

  
"What?"

  
"Working together, as if you were civilized people?"

  
Thomas snorts. "I doubt Alex could be civilized if he tried."

  
"Aaand you have ruined it."

  
"Look, Dick was being an asshole, as per usual, and I got sick of it. Let it go, okay?"

  
Lafayette raises his hands in surrender. "Fine. Fine. I concede."

  
"Thank you."

  
"You two make quite the pair of indignant gingers."

  
"GILBERT."

  
Lafayette chuckles at they make their way to the bus. As he gets outside, he hears a familiar giggle and a shushing sound around the corner.

  
"I will catch up with you," he tells Thomas as he diverts his course to investigate. Thomas nods blearily in response.

  
When Lafayette turns the corner, he sees Alex kissing somebody up against a wall. Not really an image he needed, which he's about to vocalize until he realizes that the somebody is too short to be John. In fact, it looks like –

  
No.

  
No no no.

  
_Merde._

  
Lafayette sprints back to the bus, praying neither of them saw him. He ducks in next to Thomas, who looks like he's already asleep.

  
_Alex is cheating on John_ , Lafayette thinks, disbelievingly.

  
_Alex is cheating on John with Eliza._


	2. Chapter 2

By first period the next day, Lafayette is still having problems focusing on anything except the running mantra " _merde merde merde_ " playing in his head. Thankfully, Mr. Howe isn't paying him any sort of attention. Instead, the man is rather preoccupied with Nathan Hale.

Lafayette has literally no clue why Howe started this. He wasn't really paying attention, but he's pretty sure that Howe's throwaway comment about women being largely useless was entirely irrelevant to geography and completely uncalled for. What he _was_ paying attention to was Angelica Schuyler sitting bolt upright in her seat and not getting out an indignant "exCUSE ME?" before Nathan beat her to it.

He's not nearly as intimidating as Angelica, but that sure as Hell isn't stopping him from speaking his mind.

"How on Earth can you even say that?!"

Howe stops like he's not quite sure that Nathan is talking to him. Then he leans back slowly against his desk, the glint of a challenge in his eye.

"I don't see what's stopping me," he posits.

Nathan fumes. "Perhaps merely that you're _entirely wrong_?"

"Name one woman in history who did something a man couldn't have."

"Okay, first of all? Gave birth. But second of all, the point isn't whether or not a man could have done it, especially since that question can largely be flipped right back around. The _point_ is that a man _didn't_ do it, a _woman_ did."

"Fine," Howe sneers, "name one woman in history who did anything actually important."

"Is he serious?" Benjamin Tallmadge whispers from somewhere to the left of Lafayette.

"Rosa Parks!" cries Nathan.

Howe waves it aside. "Refused to get out of a seat. Big deal."

Nathan sets his jaw, obviously recognizing that debating Rosa Park's importance in history isn't going to get him anywhere. "Susan B. Anthony."

"Leader of a needless movement."

Lafayette catches a glimpse of Angelica stabbing her pen into her desk as if she rather wishes it were Howe.

"Marie Curie."

"Too stupid to realize radiation would kill her."

Angelica mutters something that Lafayette only catches snippets of, but it seems to involve Howe's gruesome and likely radiation-induced demise.

"Amelia Earhart."

"Crashed and burned. Literally."

"Elizabeth I."

"Would've done better if she'd been married."

Angelica apparently can't take it any longer.

"That's fucking ridiculous!" she roars, leaping up from her seat.

"Miss Schuyler, detention!" Howe retorts.

"Mary Shelley!" Nathan yells, not nearly done.

Howe stares at him. "Who?"

"Uncultured dumbass," Ben mutters.

"She wrote Frankenstein," Nathan prompts.

"Please," Howe scoffs. "There's no way a girl could have written a classic."

"Well she did!" Nathan hollers, triumphant. "She had the idea in 1816, when she and her husband spent a summer with George Byron, John Polidori, and Claire Clairmont in Switzerland."

"Ah! So she was inspired by a man!"

Nathan makes a sort of strangled noise. "What? Well, I mean, maybe, but that hardly –"

"You can argue it all you like, women are useless without men!"

"Do you have a mother?!"

"Detention, Mister Hale!"

"What?"

"Maybe next time you'll learn not to talk back to teachers!"

Nathan slams a fist down on his desk. "I would willingly have this argument _every single day_ rather than listen to you spout this bullshit!"

Howe's face turns purple. "Report to the principal's office!"

Nathan rises from his seat, pauses, and then flips off Howe and storms out of the classroom.

This essentially sets the tone for the rest of the class.

* * *

By second period (literary analysis, which is for some reason a different class from English), Lafayette is starting to realize that if he doesn't forcibly make himself stop thinking about what he saw yesterday, he's not going to be able to function in a single one of his classes. For once in his life, he's grateful for one of Mr. Adam's assignments, since writing response essays is working pretty well as a distraction method.

He sort of wishes his group wasn't so annoying, though.

Adams split the class into groups of three for the assignment, and Lafayette got William Duer and Aaron. Aaron is usually a pretty good person to work with, but today he seems mostly intent on complaining about his lost umbrella.

"It was one of those super cool kinds," he bemoans, "with those secret compartments. I just don't know where it could have gone!"

Will, as usual, is whining that he isn't in the group with John Jay, James, and Alex.

"I would have worked great with those guys!"

"You are aware that we are all in groups of _three_ , yes?"

"So? There could have been an exception."

Reason does not seem to resonate with that guy.

After what feels like hours of resisting the urge scream, Lafayette finally dashes out of the room and makes his way to health.

There's a TV in the back of the classroom, which could either mean a cool video or an awkward presentation. Dr. Warren waits for everyone to file into the room before turning and writing 'STDs' on the board.

"Can anyone tell me what this stands for?"

Most of the room raises their hands.

"Ben?"

"Sexually Transmitted Diseases."

"Good." He writes down 'Sexually Transmitted Diseases'. "Can anyone tell me any STDs? Peggy?"

"HPV, Chlamydia, Genital Herpes, Gonorrhea, Pubic Lice-Crabs, Hepatitis B, HIV."

Dr. Warren chuckles. "I was just looking for one per person, but thank you, Peggy." He writes the list up on the board, replacing Pubic Lice-Crabs with Pediculosis Pubis and adding Bacterial Vaginosis, Syphilis, and Trichomoniasis.

"What do you do if you have an STD?"

There's a pause before Peggy raises her hand again. Dr. Warren smiles slightly.

"Yes, Peggy?"

"Get treated?"

"Good." He turns back to the list on the board. "Now, treatment varies from STD to STD. For instance, HPV, that's Human Papilloma Virus, doesn't have an actual cure, although the warts can be treated and removed. Likewise for Genital Herpes, Hepatitis B, and Human Immunodeficiency Virus – sorry, HIV. Chlamydia, Bacterial Vaginosis, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, and Trichomoniasis are all usually treated with antibiotics. Pediculosis Pubis is actually just treated with lice medication. Right!" He turns back to the class. "What else do you do?"

Again, Peggy raises her hand.

"Anyone else?"

Lafayette raises his hand hesitantly.

"Do not… have sex?"

"Exactly. Anything else? Peggy, I know you know this, I'm just trying to give everyone else a chance to answer. Yes, James?"

"Ask your partner or partners to get checked."

"Can you speak up so everyone else can hear you?"

James shakes his head.

"Alright. Yes, James is correct. If you have an STD, make sure to have your partner get tested, just in case. Okay, it's obvious that STDs are spread through sex, right?"  
Everyone nods.

"I'm not going to pretend that abstinence is the only option because, let's be honest, a lot of you are going to have sex at some point in your lives." Nervous giggling pops up from random points in the classroom. "But seriously, guys: safe sex. Always. You can get an STD from pretty much any kind of sex, so always be sure to get tested, treated, and, unless you're doing P in V sex and aiming for pregnancy, use a condom or a dam."

Hercules raises his hand.

"Hercules?"

"What's a dam?"

"It's the equivalent of a condom, but for a vagina."

There's a smattering of laughter around the room.

"Couldn't you have just said 'for a woman'?" someone calls out.

Dr. Warren hums. "Yes, but that would imply that only women have vaginas, which wouldn't be taking into account the transgender community."

For a second, Lafayette wishes that Alex was in this class; he'd have loved that comment. Then Lafayette remembers that he's trying not to think about Alex.  
"And, as an important side-note, you know those flavored condoms they sell for oral sex? Do not use those for any other kind of sex. The sugars in the flavoring will likely cause a yeast infection."

The class seems to have given up on nervous giggling and is now largely sitting in resigned, awkward silence.

"Okay, today I specifically wanted to talk about HIV and AIDS. Bare with me, kids. We'll do something fun once we get through this."

He's probably referring to the TV, and Lafayette has to wonder how he's defining "fun".

"HIV can be spread through blood, semen, vaginal fluids, pre-seminal fluids, rectal fluids, and breast milk. It cannot be spread through skin-contact, air, saliva, tears, or toilet seats. HIV can also be transmitted by sharing a needle. This is where I'd usually give the obligatory 'don't do drugs' speech, but I already did that last time. So, moving on. What can anybody tell me about AIDs? Yes, fine, Peggy."

"It stands for 'acquired immune deficiency syndrome, and it starts out as HIV. Initial symptoms usually look like influenza, and then there's a while where there aren't really any symptoms. Then it starts affecting the immune system, which is pretty easy to figure out from the name. It mostly affects the T cells, and there's medication that can sort of help the T cell count from dropping, but there isn't technically a cure yet."

Dr. Warren stares at her for a moment.

"You don't have your phone out," he points out.

She shakes her head. "I don't have a phone."

"You just know all that off the top of your head?"

"Yeah," she admits, ducking her head and blushing.

"Well, then." Dr. Warren shakes his head, as if clearing out extraneous thought. "Yes, everything Peggy said was correct. Many people experience fever, large tender lymph nodes, throat inflammation, a rash, headaches, and-or sores in the mouth and genitals. A lot of the time, since these symptoms are so vague, HIV isn't caught right away and ends up leading to AIDs." He checks his watch. "Alright, to sum it up, make sure to get tested for STDs at some point, around every 6 months if you're having sex. Make sure your partners get tested, make sure to have safe sex, and remember that you absolutely do not need to be embarrassed to get tested. I have some pamphlets for you guys on your way out. Okay, we should have time to get through a little over a third of this. We'll watch the rest next time."

Conversation buzzes around the room as Dr. Warren drags the TV to the front of the room and starts fiddling with the buttons.

"Ahem. Eli, could you come up here please?"

Eli Whitney dutifully makes his way to the front of the classroom. Lafayette isn't sure how the guy does it, but technology just seems to like him. Within a couple seconds, he has the video up an running.

"Thank you," Dr. Warren sighs. He settles into his chair as a song starts playing. Is that… _Seasons of Love_?

Lafayette and every other theatre kid in the room simultaneously cheer as they realize that Dr. Warren decided the best way to teach about AIDs was to show the class _Rent_. Lafayette smiles. If there's one thing he needs to distract him today, it's probably Tracie Thoms.

* * *

It's not until lunch-time is already upon him that Lafayette realizes that even though he doesn't want to confront Alex and Eliza until he has his emotions slightly under control, he can't casually avoid them any longer. Not if he wants to continue leading a normal life or avoid questioning, anyway.

Wait, it's Wednesday. Which means he has a Literary Magazine meeting. Which means that he can't avoid Alex any longer, but he probably won't have to see Eliza until last period.

After buying lunch, he makes his way to room 212 and sits down, looking around as he does so. Mr. Cowper is already at his desk, organizing a stack of papers. Alex isn't here yet, and neither is John, but Thomas Day, Phillis Wheatley, John André, Joel Barlow, Timothy Dwight, George Crabbe, and a couple others are.

The meeting goes by pretty quickly. John comes in a little late, with Alex a minute or so behind him. Angelica doesn't make it because of her lunch detention with Howe. There are only a couple of things to vote on, mostly just a few black rights poems by Day and Phil, a transcendentalist essay by Alex, and an anonymous piece Lafayette is pretty sure George submitted. Oh, yeah, and another poem by Alex that Mr. Cowper said wasn't appropriate for a high school literary magazine.  
Lafayette manages to avoid much conversation with Alex, claiming that he doesn't feel well.

He has the whole next period to wonder how the Hell he's going to manage sitting next to Eliza in science. Since Lafayette is already bilingual (duh), he doesn't have to take a foreign language class, so he gets a study hall instead. Thomas somehow wheedled his way out foreign language, too, largely on the merit that he managed for an entire school year in France.

"Hey," Thomas says, setting his books down next to Lafayette's. "You okay?"

Lafayette starts. He had been too wrapped up in his own thoughts to notice Thomas walk up behind him. "Yes, of course, why do you ask?"

Thomas sits down. "You just seem kind of mopey today. I mean, usually you'd be jabbering my ear off right now out of boredom, but instead you're staring at the wall like it just bullied you out of your lunch money."

"I was not," Lafayette grumbles, flipping open his math textbook.

"Look, man, just… I'm not trying to be your therapist. Whatever's going on between you and that wall, that's your business. But just, I dunno, lighten up a bit?" He digs around in his pocket and produces a stick of gum, which he offers to Lafayette. "Want some?"

"Where did you get that?"

Thomas grins. "Hands."

"Ah," Lafayette acknowledges, accepting the proffered stick. John "Hands" Hancock is known for three things: smuggling gum, having obnoxiously large handwriting, and somehow ending up with a nickname that doesn't directly reference the latter portion of his surname.

"So, want to tell me what's going on?"

No matter how upset Lafayette may be, he's not about to willingly offer Thomas dirt on Alex.

"Not really. I am sorry if I have been acting distant today, it was not my intention. Would you like to come over after school or something?"

"Yeah. We're having a movie night." He pokes Lafayette in the side. "You don't get a choice in this."

Lafayette smiles.

He gets a decent amount of work done before the bell for last period rings. Trudging into class, he braces himself for an awkward hour or so of avoiding conversation with Eliza.

"Hey," she says as he sits down.

"Hi," he chokes out. She frowns.

"Are you okay?"

"Fine. Just a bit of a headache."

She puts on her 'oh, poor thing' face. "Do you need to go to Ms. Pitcher's office?"

"No, it is nothing to worry about. I am fine, really, Eliza."

She puts up her hands in mock defense and turns to her notes. Lafayette takes out a scrap of paper.

Movie night at my house tonight.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

I have homework.  
\- Jain Muuvon

Okay, yes, but what if instead you came to my house and watched a movie?  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

What movie?  
-Iamie Uudriou

I beg of you, learn to sign your name. Also I don't know.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

Is anyone else coming?  
-JAMES MADISON

The signature is written out in large, deliberate, uppercase letters.

Thank you. Yes, Thomas is coming and I am going to invite Dolley.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

Alright. I'll come.  
-LET ME WRITE MY NAME HOWEVER I WANT

Movie night at my house tonight.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

Count me in.  
-Dolley Payne

Why do you always pass notes in this class?  
-Elizabeth Schuyler

You are literally right next to me, Eliza. This is unnecessary.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

:P  
-Elizabeth Schuyler

* * *

Lafayette lets his mind wander for the rest of science, which probably explains why the first thing he says to James after class is, "Have you ever noticed that half of the people in this school are either named Thomas or John?"

James blinks. "What?"

"John Laurens, John Jay, John Hancock, John André, I think Mr. Adam's first name is John, and then there's Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Paine, Thomas Day, our old geography teacher Mr. Gage, his first name was Thomas… am I the only one who has noticed this?"

James hums sagely. "I always knew our school was one big John Thomas."

Lafayette laughs and makes his way outside. He and Thomas spend the bus ride home arguing over what movie to watch, eventually deciding that they'll continue the argument once they're at Lafayette's house and James and Dolley have showed up.

The argument only gets less productive once there are two more people involved, of course. Lafayette isn't sure what he'd expected. After what feels like more time than any movie would last them, they finally decide on Labrynth. Thomas grumbles that he's hated that movie since he was a little kid, likely because it gave him nightmares.

"Oh, yeah," Thomas pipes up as Lafayette searches for the movie (he knows Netflix has it, it's just a matter of getting his TV to cooperate). "Dolley, I need a girlfriend this weekend."

Dolley laughs. "Don't worry, I've got you covered."

Lafayette turns around. "What?"

"You know how Dolley hosts a bunch of parties to help my social life?" James explains from his position on the couch sandwiched between Thomas and Dolley. "She does the same thing for Thomas sometimes. That's what he meant."

"Oh." Lafayette turns back to the TV, giving a small cry of triumph as he finally gets it to work. He settles down next to Thomas and leans back against the cushions. God, he hadn't realized how on edge he's been all day, but he's suddenly exhausted. Apparently James is, too, because pretty soon he's fallen over into Thomas's lap and is snoring softly. What with James being a good 10 inches shorter than Thomas, it's pretty adorable.

"Aw, how cute," Lafayette whispers.

"I wish I had my camera," Dolley adds.

The corner of Thomas's lip twitches. "Shut up."

James snuggles closer to Thomas, as if subconsciously hearing the conversation. He manages to sleep through the rest of the movie, despite Thomas's involuntary shudders practically every time David Bowie is on screen. As the final scene ends, Lafayette excuses himself to the bathroom.

A moment later there's a soft knock on the door.

"Yes, I am still in here," Lafayette responds.

"I know," Dolley clarifies, "I just wanted to let you know that I'm going home now. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Alright."

Lafayette washes his hands and then opens the door as quietly as possible, not sure if James is still asleep. He can't see the front of the couch from the bathroom door, so he's not sure. He doesn't step forward right away, though. Something about the situation seems off.

He sees Dolley lean in over the back of the couch to whisper something to Thomas. Thomas cranes his neck around to see her, which must mean that James is still in his lap. He grins at whatever Dolley just said.

And then he leans forward and kisses her.

Over her boyfriend's sleeping body.

_Merde_.

Lafayette waits a second before walking back into the room. He mutters and awkward goodbye as Dolley and Thomas gently wakes up James and the three of them leave. Then he collapses onto the couch, hands over this face, and stays that way for a good 10 minutes.

What the fuck even is his life at this point?


	3. Mr. Oblivious

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation taking place in the first scene is written in English for the sake of convenience. In actuality, it would happen in French.
> 
> Edit: Tom Paine is no longer referenced in this chapter because he graduated. Whoops.

Lafayette realizes as his arms start going numb that there's only so long he can hold this dramatic pose on the couch. He growls in frustration, thumping his head backwards against the arm of the sofa and wincing as it lands harder than expected. He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

He needs to talk to somebody.

More specifically, he needs to talk to somebody with a zero percent likelihood of accidentally getting pulled into the drama or already for some reason being a part of it.

He needs to find a phone.

That task done, he flops back onto the couch and punches in the number. He's not sure why it's not on speed dial, but that doesn't really matter seeing as he already knows it immediately off the top of his head.

"Adrienne, _ma chèrie_?"

" _Mon plaisir quotidien_! It is late where you are, _non_? Is everything alright?"

" _Oui, ma colombe_ , everything is fine. I just needed to talk to somebody."

" _Loulou_ , you do not make it sound as if everything is alright."

"Well, I myself am alright, but I am worried about my friends."

"Why? What has happened?"

Lafayette sighs and tells her about his past two days, pausing occasionally as she interjects with disbelieving gasps.

" _Mon ours_ , that is awful!"

" _Oui, mon moitié_ , and I do not know what to do. That is why I called you."

There's a pause from the other end, and Lafayette knows that Adrienne is chewing her lip thoughtfully. He smiles to himself despite the situation.

"Well, if I were dating another man, because I know you will always be faithful, _mon avenir_ , but if I were, and this situation arose… I would want someone to warn me."

" _Ma foi_ , you think I should tell them?"

" _Oui, Bibou_."

"But how?"

There's another pause.

"I do not know your friends as you do, _mon amour_. Of them, I have only met Thomas, and I can hardly believe he would do something like this. So, I think it is best if you go about this how you choose."

"As always, _ma perfection_ , you are probably correct."

"Would you perhaps like to speak of happier things, _mon étoile_?"

They chatter happily for an hour or so before Adrienne notices the time and insists that Lafayette go to bed. He reluctantly hangs up, although Adrienne is likely correct in assuming he'll be better off with some sleep; Lafayette is an incredibly emotional person on a normal basis, and being tired only makes it more extreme.  
As he climbs into bed, he looks over at his nightstand. Three photographs are displayed there: one of his parents, one of Adrienne, and one of him and his friends.  
The picture of his parents is from before he was born. His mother looks happy, and his father is, well… still alive. Lafayette lives with his _grand-mère_ now, and she’s amazing, but sometimes he misses his parents. He shakes his head and moves on.

The picture of Adrienne was taken to look like a portrait from the 19th century. Her purple dress hangs off of her shoulders, which are covered by a sheer shawl of sorts that she still insists is period-appropriate. A lacy sort of flower crown is woven into her curly hair. All in all, she looks regal enough that it almost looks authentic, except that the camera caught her mid laugh. Lafayette loves that picture.

In the picture of Lafayette and his friends, everyone is situated around him, and there hair is a bit frizzy, thanks to the humidity of the day. On his right are Alex, John, Eliza, and Hercules. Hercules is looming behind the other three, sporting his usual crazy grin, untamable hair, and weirdly fashionable clothes. Alex is sandwiched between John and Eliza, an arm slung around each. His red hair is pulled back into its usual ponytail, and he’s wearing his favorite Captain America t-shirt and smirking like he knows a secret. His freckles are standing out more than usual in the summer sun. John is on his right, wearing a striped blue shirt. Lafayette remembers Alex gushing over how cute John had looked that day, his hair freshly cut and the shirt making his eyes pop. On Alex’s other side, Eliza is wearing a pink sundress and smiling sweetly, her dark eyes twinkling.

On Lafayette’s left, James and Dolley stand, holding hands, as Thomas strikes a ridiculous pose from the floor. He’d been slightly too tall to stand up straight in the photo, and had insisted on making the most of it. His red afro, even frizzier than usual, and face full of freckles paired with the neon yellow shirt that says “Oedipus I’m awesome” makes him look like a cartoon character. James is looking down and laughing at him. He’s wearing all black, as usual, but you can just barely see a pair of rainbow socks poking past his shoes. Dolley is wearing a low-cut purple top and smiling directly at the camera, her curly hair pulled back into a bouncy ponytail.  
Lafayette is dead center, as if providing the bridge between two different cliques. Everyone looks so happy, like nothing is wrong. Of course, nothing was. Probably.  
He wonders how long the cheating's been going on. Is it a recent development? Or has it been happening for a while?  
He stuffs his face into a pillow and lets out a groan. He needs a plan.

* * *

By first period English the next day, Lafayette has a plan. Sort of. He's going to tell James and John at the same time (he doesn't want to have the conversation twice), breaking the news as gently as possible. He'll have to track down a classroom that will definitely be empty, and make sure that neither of them are busy, and…  
Lafayette has a group of haphazard ideas that he's calling a plan.

He snaps back to reality as Mr. Adams slaps a paper onto his desk. It's the persuasive essay that Lafayette handed in a while ago about why the school should implement a pen-pal system with France. "B+" is marked at the top. In the margins, Mr. Adams has scrawled, "well written, however, amount of emotion portrayed was unnecessary". Lafayette hears someone make an indignant noise next to him.

"Dude, I got a C, just because apparently we can't 'reasonably revolt against principal George'. Um, excuse me? Yes we can."

Lafayette doesn't get a chance to respond before Angelica launches into a heated argument with Mr. Adams about comma usage. Hercules groans.

"She was having this argument earlier with Alex. Apparently she's still worked up about it."

"And do not get me _started_ on your disgusting and baseless distrust of the Oxford comma!" Angelica yells.

"Schuyler, sit down!" Adams retorts.

When Angelica finally settles down, Mr. Adams and Thomas somehow get into an animated discussion about Shakespeare. Lafayette thinks Thomas wrote his essay on why the school should have a field trip to Shakespeare's house, but he's not really sure.

The rest of the class gets there papers back with varying levels of excitement and dismay. Mr. Adams, apparently out of spite, actually indulges Angelica in a discussion about the Oxford comma for the rest of class. Lafayette assumes it was an attempt to prove her wrong, but it doesn't seem to be working.

As Lafayette leaves class, Hercules catches up with him.

"Dude, what'd you get on your essay?"

Lafayette makes a face. "B plus."

Hercules shrugs. "Eh, not bad."

"What did you get?"

"B. I wrote mine on why we shouldn't have to write persuasive essays."

"Did he like your arguments?"

"Hard to tell. If it was an effective essay, then I simultaneously proved my point and counteracted it by proving persuasive essays to be an effective method."

"What."

"Best not to think of it," Hercules laughs. He sees John across the hall and waves him over.

"Hey, man, you had science, right?"

John grins and nods. "We're not even doing biology and I managed to get Franklin off on a tangent about turtles. Also I have art next. Today is officially the best."  
Lafayette feels a pang of guilt. He's going to have to be the one to ruin that perfect day during lunch, but he can't back out now. If he does, he'll probably never work up the courage to try again.

John looks over at him curiously. "You okay, Gilly?"

Lafayette tries for a smile. "Um, yes. I will tell you during lunch, okay?"

"Sure."

"Meet me in room 224."

"Um."

"Well," interjects Hercules, "this just got weirdly conspiratorial."

"Look," Lafayette tries again, "I just need to talk. Alone. Okay?"

John furrows his brow. "Kind of not okay. You're worrying me."

"Please just trust me."

"I – okay. Okay, Lafayette. Fine."

The three of them make their ways to their respective classes: John to art fundamentals, Hercules to fashion design, and Lafayette to theatre.

When Lafayette reaches the auditorium, he heads over to where Emanuel Schikaneder and Sybil Ludingon are sitting. Manny is grinning broadly, and Lafayette shoots Sybil a questioning look as he sits down.

"The school might be doing _Amadeus_ ," she explains. "Our little Mozart fanatic here is overjoyed."

"I don't know if I want to be Amadeus or Salieri," Manny squeals, "but I want to be somebody."

Sybil rolls her eyes.

"How is track?" Lafayette asks her, sitting down.

She shrugs. "Okay, I guess. I think I'm doing pretty well, but Coach Paul is being an arrogant a-hole, you know, like he usually is. I honestly think he ignores me half the time because I'm a girl."

Lafayette raises his eyebrows. "Wait until Nathan hears about this."

"Yeah, I'll bet," she snorts. "Or Angelica."

"Wow. Coach Paul is doomed," Manny muses.

Sybil turns to him. "Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were paying attention. I thought you were too busy crushing on Mozart over there."

"I am not," Manny huffs, "crushing on Mozart."

Sybil raises an eyebrow. "I know for a fact that you have a music album on your phone entirely consistent of Mozart's music and the song 'Rock Me Amadeus', and entitled "Wolfgang is bae" with a little heart."

Manny actually blushes at that. "Shut up."

Sybil turns back to Lafayette. "Oh, I heard this rumor, probably nothing, only, like, two people were saying it. Apparently someone thinks John is cheating on Alex with Eliza, or something. Like I said, probably nothing, but maybe check it out, yeah?"

Lafayette tries not to look too startled. Sybil could not be farther from the truth.

"I will do my best," he chokes out. 

Sybil nods. "Cool."

Manny starts playing one of Mozart's pieces from his phone, staring pointedly at Sybil as he does so.

"It's from _The Magic Flute_ and it's a beautiful piece and you can't deny that," he insists.

Manny puts his phone away as Mr. Garrick walks in, and leaps over a couple seats to go pester him about upcoming auditions.

The class spends most of theatre doing improvisation games. Lafayette tries not to be distracted, throwing himself so much into the scenes that at one point he accidentally starts speaking French. Mr. Garrick lets it slide, probably because any time he has a free second, Manny drags him into another conversation. Mr. Garrick practically flees from the auditorium when the bell finally rings.

Lafayette tries his best to pay attention during science, especially with a test just around the corner. He hadn't had the stomach to ask Eliza for her notes, which means that he had to get James's instead. He can barely read most of it.

Before the lunch bell rings, Lafayette remembers to shoot a quick note to James.

Meet me at lunch in room 224.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

Gotcha.  
-Jawn Madvou

Come alone.  
-Gilbert du Motier de Lafayette

Um… sure?  
-Juvis Muusion

* * *

After science, Lafayette heads straight to room 224. He doesn't bother buying lunch first, not entirely sure his stomach can handle it. He sits down to wait. James walks in a couple minutes later.

"Uh, hi," he acknowledges

"Hi."

"You don't have lunch."

"I was not hungry."

"Are you okay?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that?"

James sits down and pulls out his lunch. "Maybe because you've seemed kind of off recently. Want to tell me what's going on?"

Lafayette nods. "I will. When John gets here."

James furrows his brow. "John? What happened to "come alone"?"

"I… wanted to tell you both at once."

"Okay, you're aware that you don't make any sense right now, right?"

"Look, I –" Lafayette stops abruptly as John walks into the room.

"Oh, man," he chuckles, closing the door behind him. "You will not believe what Alex –" he notices James mid-sentence and frowns. "Gil, what happened to "alone"?"

James throws his hands up in exasperation. "That's what I said!"

John slowly makes his way over to a desk and sits down. "For some reason, I feel like this is an intervention, and I cannot for the life of me figure out what for."  
"It is not an intervention," Lafayette assures him.

"Please, then," grumbles James, "enlighten us."

Lafayette shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "Your… respective significant others. They are cheating on you."

"What?" John sputters, at the same time as James exclaims, "With who?"

Lafayette turns to James first. "Er, last night, at my house. I saw Thomas kiss Dolley while you were asleep." He swivels slightly to face John. "And I saw Alex kissing Eliza after school two days ago."

John looks at him in apparent shock, and it takes Lafayette a moment to realize that James is… laughing.

"Are – are you okay?" He inquires, training a worried expression on James.

"Oh my god," he gasps. "Oh man, Laf. No. I mean, _yes_ , sorry, of course I'm okay, I just –" he breaks down into laughter again. " _Dude. No_."

"I do not understand," Lafayette pleads. "What are you trying to say?"

James regains his composure, still sporting a mirthful grin. "I'm not – _Dolley_ wasn't, isn't, whatever – um, okay, Thomas, Dolley, and I are actually in a poly relationship."

"Really?" John asks. "Same with Alex, Eliza, and me."

"What," Lafayette says.

John gives him a sheepish look. "Uh… we were going to tell you, but, um, we sort of thought you already knew."

Lafayette's head is spinning. "Why would I have known?"

John raises his brow. "Well, Eliza is pretty affectionate around both of us. Not to mention how she looks at… oh wow. No wonder you thought Alex was cheating on me."

"How? When? What?"

James, still smirking, looks over at John. "I assume he's asking for a get-together story. You wanna go first?"

John shrugs. "Sure. Uh, you remember how I told you that over summer vacation I tried to come out to my dad and it kind of went to shit? Well, Alex and I were on a break while I dealt with all of that, which is when he started seeing Eliza. They broke it off when the whole deal with my dad started blowing over so that Alex and I could get back together, but I could tell he still liked her. So when I finally met Eliza, I was instinctively kind of annoyed with her. But, I mean, you've met Eliza. It's super hard to be mad at her. Once I got to know her and found out what a great person she is, I whole-heartedly understood why Alex still liked her. So Alex suggested we try a poly relationship. I was a bit reluctant at first, but it's been going pretty well so far."

James grins. "I feel like we're at story-time in kindergarten. Is it my turn?" John nods, smiling. "Cool. Alright, Thomas has practically been a part of the relationship since the start. When Dolley and I first started dating, he third-wheeled a bit so that I'd stop being so awkward. And then, after the first couple of dates, there just kept being reasons for him to be there. We came to expect it. So when for whatever reason he wasn't tagging along, it felt sort of weird. Dolley and I talked about it, and then he talked to Thomas about it, which, let me tell you, was a poorly thought-out and super awkward conversation. Anyway, we decided that this was the sort of thing that was going to work for us, even though none of us had ever really thought about it before. Are you – are you crying?"

"No," Lafayette chokes past a sob. "Yes. I have been so worried about you two!"

John walks over and pulls Lafayette into an awkward hug. "Uh, sorry. I suppose it would have saved you a lot of anxiety if we'd told you earlier."

"It is fine. I understand why you might have been hesitant."

"Okay," James announces, standing up. "Well, I want to go eat lunch with my "respective significant others,"" he puts air-quotes around the last three words, "so I'm heading to the cafeteria. You two coming?"

When they reach the cafeteria, Alex takes one look at Lafayette, sits him down, and says, "You look like a guy who needs a funny story."

Lafayette quirks a smile. "Always, _petite lion_."

"Okay, you know Gouverneur? Gouverneur Morris? The guy I refuse to call by his first name because what the Hell kind of a name is 'Gouverneur'? Well, he was making a big show about how much Mr. Washington loves him, an argument for which he had, like, zero proof, by the way, so I told him I would buy him lunch if he went up to Washington, clapped him on the shoulder, and called him 'buddy'."

"But Washington hates being touched."

"Exactly. The only people I've ever seen lay a hand on him and get away with it are his wife and you. But Morris, being the arrogant idiot that he is, actually went through with it!"

"Dude," Hercules interjects, "if looks could kill, Washington would have turned Morris into a smoking pile of ash. The guy walked away looking like he was about to collapse."

"Also I lost more money that expected," Alex adds. "I think he intentionally ordered a weirdly expensive lunch. But it was definitely worth it!"

Lafayette laughs. Then he pulls Alex into a hug.

"Hey, man, love you, too, but why–"

"I will tell you later," Lafayette assures him. "I just missed you."

* * *

That weekend finds Lafayette (as well as what appears to be the majority of the student council body, not to mention plenty of other students) at Dolley's party. Or, rather, Thomas's party. Dolley's party for Thomas?

Lafayette isn't really sure whose party it is, but he's enjoying himself, so he doesn't really care.

He's apologized to everyone for acting so strangely. Eliza had chided him for not confronting everyone immediately, which would have cleared everything right up, but admitted that she was sorry for not telling him earlier. Dolley had been a bit embarrassed when she realized how the situation must have looked, but Lafayette assured her that there were no hard feelings. Thomas's response had been to grin and sweep James into a quick kiss, commenting, "Hope that clears everything up!"  
Now Lafayette stands at the drinks table, thoughtfully holding a cup of root beer and watching his friends interact.

It's honestly astounding that he hadn't noticed anything before: the way Alex holds John's hand while leaning subtly into Eliza, the way Eliza looks at both of them, the way James always winks at Thomas after making a particularly inappropriate joke, the way Thomas calms down whenever Dolley places a hand on his arm.

Thomas is off to the side of the room at the moment, chatting up some student council members. As the next song starts, he glances surreptitiously towards the center of the room, where a dance floor has been cleared. A second later, Dolley is at his shoulder, politely ending the conversation for him and dragging him over to James. It's almost comical watching the three of them dance; comical because Thomas towers over both of them and James looks like a dwarf, but only almost because they all look so happy. From the other side of the room, John and Alex each grab one of Eliza's hands and coerce her to the dance floor. She resists at first, but them laughs and follows. Soon, she's the most energetic of the three.

Alex glances over to the drinks table.

"Come on, Lafayette!" He calls. "I know you love to dance, you've forced me to do it enough times. Get over here!"

"Gil _bert_! Gil _bert_! Gil _bert_!" Thomas chants, laughing.

Lafayette grins and obliges. After all, with everyone so happy, how could he resist?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking of writing more in this 'verse. Tell me if you have any ideas!


End file.
